Postnatal Depression: My “I Am…” poem

I awoke this morning and decided to have a quick read over my morning coffee of any new stories my fellow bloggers may have posted overnight.  What I found was an influx of “I Am…” poems utilising this template from Mama Kat’s blog.  Two poems, one by Mama Wants This! and one from Farewell Stranger, caught my attention and motivated me to try one of my own.  It’s a wonderful idea, and amazingly liberating… As Robin from Farewell Stranger commented, the path your poem takes is sometimes not at all in the direction you originally thought.  Needless to say, mine was a little more sombre than I had intended.

If the mood strikes you, I urge you to attempt a poem of your own.

I Am

I am scared and vulnerable
I wonder am I ever going to make it through this dark time
I hear the voice I used to have as if from a world far away
I see the confidence I used to wear as if it were only yesterday
I want to be again that strong and determined woman from my past
I am scared and vulnerable

I pretend every day to be okay but that’s often not how I feel
I feel inside I’m slowly falling apart while the mask I wear remains intact
I touch my face in the mirror wondering if the real me is still in there somewhere
I worry perhaps she’s not and the reality of who I’ve become is not a reality I like
I cry for my former self who couldn’t see where this journey was going to take her
I am scared and vulnerable

I understand this feeling of helplessness will pass
I say to myself every day to persevere and have faith there is a bigger picture at play
I dream of a time my family will be free from this overwhelming cloud of depression
I try to remain positive and believe there are sunny days waiting for us
I hope those days are not too far away because I miss them and the happiness they hold
I am scared and vulnerable

Thanks so much for reading!

Take care,

TSM xx

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7 thoughts on “Postnatal Depression: My “I Am…” poem

  1. This is so beautiful and honest. I’m glad you decided to write this, because I think sometimes these words need to come out. And you know I relate, as do so many others. Hoping for this time to pass for you soon.

  2. Thanks so much, Robin… Very much appreciate your comment as always. Your poem was certainly my motivation!

  3. So beautiful. Made me cry both with empathetic thoughts and also because in them midst of challenging (not now depression related times)

  4. Diane says:

    What a beautiful poem, I can feel the rawness of emotion underpinning it. Thank you for sharing!

  5. A Write Relief... (for PND) says:

    I really appreciate your comment, Diane! If I’m honest, there are still days like this even though I wish there weren’t. xx

    • Monique says:

      My poem….

      You come often without warning
      -like a morning fog
      You grip my chest tight
      -the ball and the black dog.

      It’s worse than a hangover
      -than your worst come down
      You come often without warning
      Who knows how long you’ll stay around?

      My world turned upside down,
      Trapped inside black thoughts.
      Eat well, rest, medicate, look after yourself, exercise, play sport.

      Why can’t you leave me be?
      I have better things to do.
      Don’t you know I’m a wife, a teacher, a homemaker and mother too?

      You snatch from me my happiness and leave me wracked with guilt.

      But you will not win…
      The fog will clear
      And my mind will be still.

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