Have you ever had those times, regardless of any obstacles, when things just seem to work out? When you’re talking about someone and they call at that exact moment? When you walk under a street light and it suddenly goes out? When you think of something completely random and your partner says EXACTLY what you were thinking?
Is it purely coincidence, or is there more to it?
I used to be a really cynical and sarcastic person. Cynical because I always felt second best to everyone around me, and sarcastic because it was my defense mechanism – I’d always put a barrier up first, that way (I thought) I couldn’t get hurt. Over the past 10 years or so, I’ve worked really hard breaking down these chinks in my armour and feel I’ve done a pretty good job. Books like The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, and The Secret by Rhonda Byrne (not to mention my bestfriend’s blunt honesty at times) have had a lot to do with my ability to turn my thoughts around. Whilst there is a lot of speculation and criticism for both schools of thought, I found their basic principles extremely beneficial with respect to all walks of life. The idea that our innate energy impacts on our surroundings, and others, makes complete sense to me. We see examples of this positive and negative energy at play every day, in every way – in our relationships, friendships, at work, at home – everywhere! And doesn’t it always seem to be the most obvious when our energy is working in the negative… When we are so down and out within ourselves, feeling terrible and against the world, the only way we can deal with it is by soaking and zapping the energy from everything and everyone around us. If I’m completely honest with myself, my cynical self of old was definitely an example of this. It can ultimately be such a drain on those positive people in our life that they choose to be around others less demanding of their time and energy. It’s a vicious, revolving door and one I now try to steer as far away from as possible (very hard to do when suffering from PND).
So, the idea that there are no coincidences in life and everything is put in front of you for a reason (we just have to be conscious of it and explore what that reason may be), really resonates with me. The cynical me of old would tell you it’s all a load of crap, however too many things have happened in my life since opening myself up to this way of thinking I simply can’t explain. Whether it be with regard to job opportunities, relationships, or just the type of home or lifestyle I wish to have, there have been numerous times a much larger force seems to be at play in order to make things happen. The act of visualising my wants and desires, the act of positive thinking things into fruition, has actually helped move my life forward. I know it sounds crazy, but I believe it to be true.
Just recently, such forces of nature seem to have been at play again. Whilst I was pregnant, and then again whilst on maternity leave, I started thinking about what my “ideal” job would look like. The project management position I currently hold is definitely my idea of an “ideal” job. However, being funding dependent my team are often faced with the dreaded question of “what if” our funding is discontinued? What would we each do then? For me, the answer has always been simple. I need to find a job as close to the “perfect fit” and as rewarding for me as what this job has been – it is no doubt an incredibly tough ask. Then I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and both my confidence and self-worth took a battering to the point of non-existence. Forget about what my “perfect job” would be, as far as I was concerned I held no value for any workplace, let alone my own family. Since starting my medication and work again, things have definitely improved. Although I’ll always be the first to admit I still have quite a ways to go.
Through my postnatal journey, I’ve been fortunate to meet and be connected with many wonderful mothers who are struggling with the same debilitating illness. We share our thoughts, feelings, incredible guilt, the very worst, and the very best of ourselves. It is an amazing community and one within which I feel extremely lucky to be a part. During a particularly dark time for me, by an amazing twist of fate, I happened upon a local news article outlining two mothers on their own unique postnatal depression journey. Their journey has resulted in their establishing an organisation whose mission is to educate and connect with mothers suffering mental illness in a supportive, non-judgmental, community environment. So, I “liked” their Facebook page. From there, they in turn started supporting my blog posts by re-posting them for their Facebook friends. We each then started commenting on various things, until ultimately it was decided we should meet and share our own experiences – both personal and business. And wouldn’t you know it… I felt instantly connected with these women and completely at ease from the moment we sat down together over coffee. It was like I had known them all my life. The conversation flowed easily, I was in awe of their achievements, and I walked away feeling as though something incredible was about to happen. The planets aligned…
I’m purposely not naming names, or organisations, as I believe there is still a lot of ground to cover. But I will say this: Always stay true to yourself and listen to your intuition. The doors that open due to your willingness to connect with the things you don’t yet understand may very well pave the way to an unforseeably wonderful and rewarding future. At this stage, I’m not quite sure where this chapter of my life will take me, but I can honestly say I am extremely excited as to what my future may hold. I guess only time will tell, and until then I have to keep believing there is a bigger picture and what unfolds is ultimately meant to be.
Who would have thought my postnatal depression diagnosis would lead me to where I am today? Not me, that’s for sure.
And just in case your “cynical” side is doubting my current outlook on life… Here’s some more proof! After writing my post this afternoon I put off publishing it as like to leave a little time to read over it again. Unbeknownst to me, my HF then decided to surprise me with a lovely Thai take-away dinner and a DVD movie. The movie he chose for us was “The Lucky One” (with Zac Effron). The opening quote at the start of the movie was this:
“You know, the smallest thing can change your life. In the blink of an eye, something happens by chance when you least expect it and puts you onto a course you never planned, into a future you never imagined. Where will it take you? That’s the journey of our lives, our search for the light. But sometimes, finding the light means you have to pass through the deepest darkness. At least, that’s how it was for me.” – Logan (Zac Effron)
A coincidence given what I had written this afternoon? I think not.
I’m curious to know if you’ve ever encountered these types of “twilight zone” moments in your life? Please be sure to share with me if you have, I would love to hear from you. Enjoy your weekend, everyone, and I look forward to sharing more with you soon.