As you know, my HF and I have decided to undertake couples therapy as a means to get our relationship (namely, our communication) back on track. This is by no means a negative thing for us, we are most certainly NOT on the edge of a separation (which most people seem to think when you mention”therapy”). What this means for us is a chance to arm ourselves with the best tools possible in an effort to provide the ongoing maintenance required for our postnatal depression journey – and for the life we will share beyond.
We feel really good about our decision, so in a brave move my HF agreed to write down his thoughts on the whole thing. His initial reaction when I asked if he would consider writing something about our experience was, “But what am I going to say? You write well, I don’t. I can’t put it into words.” I assured him honesty was the key and beyond that it didn’t really matter. I’m not saying he liked doing it, but he was willing to do it for me… for us.
So, here is his perspective on our first session with the couples therapist… Thank-you so much for doing this, babe. I love you.
Our life was turned upside down when we added the LM to our life. All for the better. But with all the things we were thrown to do with our LM, it made life a very uneasy one for all of us. But more so for my lovely fiance. Things were difficult. I tried to keep things calm and rational but it was not possible a lot of the time. We didn’t know what was going on. I had no idea it was postnatal depression. My listening skills aren’t great at the best of times and this was a constant struggle for us during this time. But it was my lovely fiancé not being able to cope with, or be rational about, every day things and situations that was the hardest for me to deal with. It was not like her at all and I couldn’t fix it no matter how much I wanted to.
When my lovely fiancé came home after seeing the doctor and told me about the postnatal depression, I felt relieved we finally had an answer and some understanding for what was going on. Since then, I have been able to manage more of her meltdowns with a better idea of what she is going through. I know now all I need to do is give my lovely fiancé the space she needs to deal with things when they happen and reassure her we’ll get through this and that I’m not going anywhere.
When we talked about going to couples therapy I thought this would be a great idea to help us deal with both our issues. Both for our personal issues and those to do with the postnatal depression. I knew I wanted this for us, but I was anxious about our first session. During the first session, I had the chance to talk to the therapist about how I was going and how I was dealing with things. My physical reaction gave away my anxiousness because my mouth became really dry and I struggled to keep on track with what we were talking about. In the end though , it felt good to finally be able to get things off my chest.
I’m hoping by seeing this therapist our lives will certainly improve. The therapist spoke about ways I can help. One way was by planning nights out for myself and my lovely fiancé. We need to enjoy time by ourselves and get used to communicating and being together as a couple again. I probably didn’t really understand that by me planning and organising these sorts of things, that would actually mean more to my lovely fiancé than me helping her around the house. I want us to eventually get back the love and affection we first had when we met. Tonight we are going out and it’s the first time I’ve organised it without her help She was very surprised when I told her! I’m really looking forward to it.